(repost from Easter 2010)
I think we take for granted that we know what tomorrow holds, and we risk hurrying through today unaware of what this day must have been like 2,000 years ago.
2,000 years ago this day must have brought great fear and great doubt.
As the disciples awoke, they found themselves scattered and in sorrow.
I can only assume that doubt raged in their minds.
I can almost see their faith fading.
One question must have haunted them.
The memory of Jesus asking them, “but who do you say that I am?” (Mark 8:29)
Imagine the questions they may have been asking themselves…
“Was yesterday real or just a dream?”
“How did I end up here last night?”
“Where are my friends?”
“…maybe it wasn’t a dream?”
“Why has this all happened?”
“Why didn’t we stop it?”
“Why did I not do more? Is this my fault?
“Why did Jesus not defend himself?
“Why did Jesus just let himself die?”
“Could He really have saved himself?
“Was he really God or am I just a fool?”
Picture the morning as the followers awoke, prepared a meal, packed their belongings and began to set out on their day.
Can you hear the silence?
For three years they awoke with a mission and with a purpose. They had a place to go, sick to heal, a message to be shared, a Way to be followed, a kingdom to establish, someone to follow.
Today they experienced the absence of Jesus.
Today the loss sets in.
Today the pain is real.
Today the loneliness is deafening.
Today the faith is weak and failing.
Today the mission is over.
Today the promises were not kept.
Today the Messiah is gone.
Today a dream is crushed.
Today my God has failed me.
Today the answer to Jesus’ question of “but who do you say that I am?” is very different than before.
Today I do not know my purpose.
Today the kingdom is not at hand.
Today I am lost.
Today the tomb is not empty.
…why is it so easy to put myself in their place?
As the morning unfolds and these questions sink in, I can place myself there gathering my things and preparing to return to the fishing nets I left behind.
Those haunting nets…
The last time I held those nets, a man came to us and spoke words that I’ll never forget. Words that ultimately led me here.
So, how can I return to those nets?
But, I’m a fisherman, so how can I not return to those nets?
Am I still a fisherman? I don’t feel like a fisherman anymore, but all that I had hoped for and believed is now gone.
Where do I go?
What do I do?
But all of this was real, it really happened…didn’t it?
Again I hear the echo of Jesus asking me today…
“but who do you say that I am?”